I Dare You to Watch Eiken

You read the title and you think: “Oh this is like a prank, huh?”. This is not a prank nor is it a joke. It is a legitimate recommendation- NAY! A ‘must-watch’! I repeat: I am not joking. This is probably one of the best anime out there. Up there with even classics like Stein’s;Gate and Eureka Seven. It got a 10/10 out of me is all I’ll leave you with. Now, I am going to analyze all of it down to its roots but if you haven’t seen it then I implore you to do so before reading further. My analysis will have spoilers and if you want to follow along- it’s just 2 episodes. Like, you can watch that and then come back here. You’ll thank me later. On to the… Analysis.

 

This is fucking horrendous! This is almost the worst anime I have ever seen. I understood what I was watching but at the same time I didn’t wanna believe it. Eiken is like watching every high school romcom in 2 episodes and extra watered-down… I mean, it was probably intentionally making fun of the many troupes that go along with that genre as I’m pretty sure it is a parody. However, that doesn’t change just how ridiculous it is! It is unfathomable. Wow just… I’m in disarray. You probably want me to actually talk about the contents of the show but ah… It’s bad! I don’t think you need any more information than that. I doubt anyone’ll show up to argue against me.

Fine. It’s about a high school boy who’s as boring and normal as the next anime protagonist who claims he’s the most normal guy. Walking to school he somehow manages to trip and fall on a grossly well-endowed female who’s seen as the hottest babe on campus, Chiharu is her name. She’s fine with this. He proceeds to squeeze. She’s fine with this. Post-groping, another disgustingly bodacious babe comes along who happens to be the leader of the Eiken club. A club who holds resident to multiple other female students including the one Densuke just groped. This club leader is named Kirika and her defining character trait is that she always has something long and hard in her mouth. She’s also bigger in literally every way shape or form. Take that literally.

The club consists of a girl who also has awful gigantic breasts but is extremely short and tiny; has big eyebrows and wears glasses. Pink hair, as well. Her main thing is hopping… I guess. A blue loli who builds shit. A yellow fortune teller who’s normal in proportions but performs her fortune-telling through questionable means. A green “teacher” who’s the club’s adviser. She’s a special one, however, as her tits grow or shrink depending on whether she has clothes on or not. The main character’s little sister also seems to be a supporter of the Eiken club but she’s just incest intensifying with each appearance. Leaping on her brother’s face with her butt and “forcing” him to grope her everywhere. There’s also a bear but he appears in, like, two scenes.

And that’s pretty much Eiken in a nutshell. It’s a series of ecchi events with a minor plot that boils down to competing in a random contest where a lot of contrived shit happens and ridiculous crap. I can’t anymore. I have to re-think my life.

For context as to why I put myself through this: I, more or less, slept through April Fools as I feel is a healthy thing to do. I do typically watch the first ridiculous thing I find and that just so happened to be Eiken this time around.

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