Onegai☆Teacher – The Anime about Teenage Depression

Please Teacher is about the marriage between a, kind of alien, woman and a teenage boy. Living together through the good and bad times which make a marriage between student and teacher so difficult. The reason I say ‘student’ and ‘teacher’ is because the ‘human’ and ‘alien’ part is not, at all, relevant.

They’re marital relationship is kept a secret for the entire duration of the show and the reason is twofold:

  1. In a misunderstanding between principle and the new teacher, who we know as Ms. Kazami; alien girl. He was made to believe that she was having sexual relations with Kei, the Absolute Chad. Attempting to save face; Kei’s uncle comes up with an absurd lie on the spot telling the principle that they were married before she transferred to Kei’s school. Through legally marrying each other they were able to convince the principle that they were, indeed, already fucking. Little did he know, they’re both virgins. To be even more convincing they started living together. And genuinely fell in love. And had profound and romantic intercourse.
  2. Kei has an unknown disease where he temporarily dies whenever he’s depressed about something. And he doesn’t want anyone knowing about it. So, it helps living with the one person he cares enough to tell them about it.

The disease is the real plot point of it all. That is, Kei’s desire to run away from the bad and only live through the good. I said Kei is a teenager and, for the most part, that’s true. Kei’s disease, which he calls a “Standstill”, has taken away 3 years of his life because his sister killed herself. He laid in slumber; wallowing in a temporary state of death. It was early on when I realized that the case was that something traumatic happened and that Kei did not have some super rare disease at all. He probably has PTSD but the whole “temporary death” part was obviously just his innate desire to run away from his problems.

The logic that follows insists that even though his body is 15 he is actually 18. He died for 3 years. Likely, right after his sister’s death. Later, he finds out Morino has the same exact problem. Although, Morino does not know of Kei’s marriage with Mizuho Kazami; she’s brought to a standstill when she hears Kei rejected her best friend, Koishi Herikawa. Realizing that her “disease” is akin to his own he feels a sense of kinship he absolutely has to protect. A bit sudden but yeah. This changes everything. He decides to break up with Kazami, live with his uncle and aunt again. Goes out with Herikawa and by the end of the night he has conversations with Morino. Every night. All for Morino. And I think I’ve recently talked about how it’s a severe unhealthy relationship, whether it’s as a couple or as friends, that you depend on one person alone to keep you happy forever. Especially when that one person does not have the mental fortitude to keep it up. Oh! Did I mention Morino is actually 21 but appears 15?

I’ve come full-circle thinking that Kei’s decisions, albeit stupid, they are the decisions humans make all the time. Like, there’s a conversation or two that can fix his problems. Rather, he makes his own life a living hell so that the life of another can be protected. It is this faulty sense of communication that ails him yet the show leads me to believe that he is making the logical decision. By the end of this conflict, Herikawa sees the situation for what it is and finds that it is, indeed, quite stupid. She doesn’t need her loved ones deceiving her for her own happiness. She knew very well that what was going on wasn’t real in the first place. Morino also understood that the situation was unfair for Kei. The only reason she didn’t stop it was because she cared about Herikawa’s happiness just a little bit more. Yet, she refused to move forward by communicating with Herikawa and understanding that she’s a big girl and is capable of stomaching a bad week or two because the love of her life rejected her. So capable she ends up falling for the teacher she delivers food to every night. They live happily ever after, I assume.

That misunderstanding is out of the way but Kei’s chasing after Kazami. Why? Because Kazami saw Kei was about to kiss Herikawa on school property. Not that she didn’t know Kei was dating Herikawa; bitch knew what was going on. Kei told her everything! Alas, she runs away in tears for what she felt was betrayal. Actually it feels like she feels betrayed almost every other episode. Whether it is for real or for comedic purposes. Anyways, Kei ends up catching Kazami because he’s a total fucking Chad so he’s capable of sprinting marathons if he wanted. Kazami repeatedly states that she hates him. He finds momentary solace in that. Turns around and walks away. Only for Kazami to repeatedly state that she also loves him. To which they start fucking on the beach! No… Jokes jokes. I mean they definitely were about to but Kei has a “standstill” because he was thinking about how she’ll have to leave him at some point as she is only on Earth on a temporary excursion. And he seemingly does not wake up until Kazami uses outer-space technology which, apparently, lets her superiors know of her physical relationship with a human.

They erase her existence on Earth and everyone’s memories. Judged her guilty and intended to subject her to capital punishment. But it doesn’t matter because she apparently got away with the help of her 2 Family members proving that humans have no reason to be scared of extraterrestrial lifeforms because their government is so fucking bad that 1 girl is capable of bypassing all of their security network and escape the planet with not a scratch on her. Now all she has to do is jog Kei’s memory so that they can, once again, live happily ever after. Except he remembers her upon sight because he “stared at her pocky candy box every day”… I’m not saying the writing is a bit wonky but it’s quite bad especially around the end. Wait I was supposed to say “it’s not that it is bad it’s just a little wonky”. That’s how I transform from being ‘honest’ to ‘politically correct’. But my “I don’t give a fuuuuck syndrome kicked in”! Hahaha sorry i’m having a bit of fun. I mean this anime really got me in a hokey mood only because I resonated with its humor a lot.

Like, it’s not great. It’s so fucking over-dramatic and, while I care for the message about how we can’t break free from depression unless we start moving forward, it doesn’t perform even remotely well enough to tackle such a broad topic. Probably because it’s more so created to pander towards a fetishistic audience (teacher love) rather than passing along its message. It’s simply a theme set there because they have the opportunity to include it. Nothing more. That said, I think its most engaging premise is, by far, the marital life of Kei and Kazami. As well as the funny moments that comes with the sincerity of their secretive marriage. I am kind of the guy who will make sex jokes. As well as all kinds of immature jokes that are probably the reasons for why I am seen as a black sheep in the eyes of society. The idea of seeing a male protagonist, by which is named Kei, taking his pants off at the sight of who he thinks is his wife in lingerie sleeping in her futon and crawling over to grope her only for it to be her Mother is exactly the kind of thing I want in my anime. At least, after a certain point. 

What this scene told me is that the marriage has progressed so far that not only are these characters fucking like bunnies (which is already a thing anime is so afraid to say nowadays) but we’re at a point where we can make fun of it. Adding a whole new set of comedy that, after a decade of watching anime, I don’t think I’ve quite seen before. On top of it, it’s not something that just makes the anime, as a whole, feel less dense or anything because sex is an important topic for a lot of people. Making jokes about it does help explore it about as much as talking about it. In a way, I wish I could’ve made the title say: “The Anime about Sex Jokes”. Truthfully, it’s a prevalent enough divergence but it feels to me it wouldn’t be true to the anime as the whole ‘depression’ thing is clearly a more intended subject matter. Even if I find the bits about depression wholly unsatisfying and flawed.

If I had my way, this would be a 10-minute 2-cour anime just about their marriage and jokes around marriage. And I would include his uncle and aunt because they’re also a funny marriage foil that, literally, is just Kei’s aunt treating her husband; Kei’s uncle, like a total bitch. And they only fuck when she says they’ll fuck and they’ll fuck for as long as she wants it. Kei’s uncle has no say in it. It’s not quite consensual but, then again, Kei’s uncle is a pervert who constantly stares at other women in front of his wife and gets very jealous of his nephew for being married to such a voluptuous babe that it’s very hard to feel bad for him. Like, he’s not quite the bad guy but he’s not the good guy. It’s just a gray, unhealthy relationship between two middle-aged people that seem to linger on the steps to divorcing but it never feels dramatic. It just feels like they’re having fun with it. It’s very light-hearted and this is clearly the marriage they signed up for. But it is what it is…

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