Sword Art Online: Alicization Pre-show -Episode 3 Analysis

I am flabbergasted. Like, I have no words. I’m gonna try to force some words out. But I have none. I am speechless. I am speechless that there are humans in this world that reviewed this and thought this is worth printing. That this is worth giving an anime adaptation. My SOLE defense for anything SAO-related (except Extra Edition) was that things “happened”. It was mediocre, yeah. And there were chunks where nothing actually was happening. But stuff did happen at least in some… Amount. I don’t even… What else can I say? I can’t talk about the show because it isn’t… Happening. It’s not going. It hasn’t started! They were cutting at a tree for three episodes! They tried using a really heavy sword that they can barely lift; as if these characters didn’t prove they were dumb enough already. 

What. Is. There. To. Say? THERE WERE 2 SCENES! 2 scenes I can genuinely analyze and critique as if by some miracle they decided to do something! I don’t even care if this comes off as bitter. It’s the bloody truth! 

Scene 1: Selka’s depressed because Eugeo’s depressed whenever he sees her face because, probably, it reminds him of her older sister. Boo-fucking-whoo! I’d give a damn if there was more to your character by this point other than “I’m Alice’s younger sister”. And it’s pretty obvious that’s all you’ll ever be because you’re not a main character and Kirito n’ Eugeo are inevitably leaving your ass to go to the central city based on how this is going. So, there’s not even a reason for me to care because of how transparent the direction of the show is. On top of that, she literally says aloud “end mountains” as if to arrogantly inform the viewers that she’ll be headin’ to the end mountains! But hey! Saying it aloud with Kirito in the room is still the contextual reason for why Kirito realizes that she is heading up the end mountains! Why? Why can’t Kirito figure out for himself based on the conversation he just had with her that she is headin’ up end mountains? Why does she need to randomly and inorganically state “end mountains…” in that moment? This is what makes characters feel unrealistic! 

Scene 2: they see a flower’s been stepped on. Me? I’m thrilled they confirmed she’s going to fucking END MOUNTAINS! Great! Let’s keep going… No Eugeo decides to check the life of the plant to confirm whether or not the plant’s actually been stepped on so that he can confirm his CONFIRMATION that someone entered END MOUNTAINS! MOTHERFUCKER! Where’s your sense of urgency?!?! In pretty much the same scene, Kirito and Eugeo stop in front of the cave entrance and get a good look at it!

Kirito: “Wow! Well, Mount Rushmore has nothing on this; I do declare”!

Eugeo: “As children me and my dear young, and might I add; female friend who went by the name of Alice had treaded past these magnificent caves only for her to accidentally pass the border into the land of darkness”! “Such a mishap has made her wanted by the Integrity Knights and they’ve taken her from our small village”…

Kirito: “Ah! That sounds quite unfortunate. unfortunate indeed… That is why we are here, yes? To stop Selka from passing the border and preventing another dire situation like that from reoccurring”?

Eugeo: “Yes, yes! My dear Kirito! We are here specifically for that reason. Truly, the moment Selka passes the border; I will suffer through my most traumatic event all over again. Not only that but Selka, herself, might suffer a fate I can’t imagine”..! “But before we try to catch up to her let me show you this spectacular magic trick”!

Kirito: “What sorcery is that”?!?!

Eugeo: “This, my brethren, is me using a plant as a light source”.

Kirito “Magnificent! Absolutely magnificent! I cannot understate what a revelation this is”! “…Say, I do know we must make haste to prevent Selka from crossing the border to the land of darkness- and that is absolutely priority number 1”! “However… I also think we absolutely need to discuss this mastery of magic you’ve displayed over tea immediately”!

Eugeo: “I do declare! Who is this Selka you speak of”?

Kirito: “Brilliant! Let’s head back. All that senseless walking has me quite weary”.

That’s basically what happened. At least, in my head-cannon to make sense of them standing around talking about a fucking spell that lets Eugeo use a plant as a flashlight instead of RUSHING TO SAVE SELKA FROM PASSING THE GOD DAMN BORDER..!

Unbelievable… At least you can say… Things are “starting” but god fucking damn! three episodes. Three! That is unacceptable!

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